Some Hindi musings..

I have got a very good team with me at my work and my dear colleague Muktesh is a very good poet. He converses (and pens,too) largely in pure Hindi which unknowigly makes me 'think' in hindi sometimes. These are some four-liners that originated in the same local train musings..

Sapne toh hazaaron dekhta hoon,
Unhe paane ka honsla rakhta hoon,
Par agar ek bhi toot jaaye,
Toh ujale mein dhund ki tarah,
Unhe sama mein kahi kho deta hoon.

One of my other colleagues remarked that, i always laugh, make fun of everything and am not serious about anything. (can't believe it, no?). This is what I have to say..

Kisi ki muskaan dekhkar hans deta hoon,
Sannaate mein aankhen nam kar leta hoon,
Meri bhavnayein nahin;yeh toh bas ek aaina hain,
Zindagi mein bas ek parchai banke rah jaata hoon.

And being entangled in code and deadlines (though I love it!!), I felt something like..

Yeh raat, raat nahin; andhere ka saaya lagti hain,
Subah,subah nahin; kiranon ka ghera lagti hain,
Kya jeena ise kehte hain,
Yeh zindagi toh ek toota khilona lagti hain.

I had some more, but will post them later. These are anyways in a very raw form and I feel may work against increasing the readership!!(:)).
PS: If you feel that this kind of poetry is worth spending a few minutes, do look over all of them (including many English poems) and comment.

The quest ...

I'm back again!! No loong reasaons..I was just veryyy busy with my work, and my PC too is still dead. Lotsa thoughts running through my mind these days..Just get very little time to 'document' it (software lingo :) ). My creative half takes over at 10pm on my way back in the local trains...This one (ya! I know it will seem very amateurish..), was the result of one such quick attempt.

I went on a quest that other day,
In search of that dear face.
Dying to see that beautiful smile,
To feel that glint in the eye.
To hear that heartening giggle,
To wipe that occasional tear.

I went far and wide,
Walked all the streets I know.
Met my dearest friends,
Scoured the oldest mails.
Recalled my sweetest memories,
Sung that melodious song.

Tired of my long quest,
When I rest my feet.
I realise how futile the journey is,
As I rest my mind in thoughtless state.
He's waiting for me with open arms,
At this very place all along.
And when I close my eyes and look within,
I find my priceless treasure - the real "me".

I don't know how you would have found it. But,anyways, I plan to return to my earlier mode this new year.(if time permits,that is ;))

My sweet memories ...

Somehow I wanted to sum up my whole Bhubaneswar experience in this poem at the end of my ILP. But even then I may have left out many incidents, which may find a mention in some posts later. Many of the phrases used here are typical of the ILP-ians (some are even specific to the AFG core committee!!) and others may not comprehend it..Sorry,but couldnt complete the poem without them.

I came here to this unknown place,
Leaving my home and friends behind.
I was sure of taking nothing back
Not even some sweet memories.

The first day I met so many friends,
With jokes and laughter all day long.
Our stories, fears, and targets we shared,
It seemed as if, it we had been friends all along,
But now I have nothing of these
Except the sweet memories.

Waiting for the D slots,
Presenting the finance/marketing sessions,
Enjoying the manchurians and custards at lunch,
Banging our heads at our laptops,
Now I do nothing of these,
All that is left is the sweet memories.

The bargains with the rickshaw-wallahs,
Our weekly 'trips' to Big Bazaar,
The orders for the Smokin' Joes pizzas,
And our live-with-nature mascots-insects,frogs & cows,
Now I miss all of these,
And am left with only sweet memories.

The superb carvings at the Konark temple,
The violent beach at Puri,
The famous(& hard to approach) Lord Jagannath-ji,
And the tan to top it all,
Where will I find all of these?
Except in my sweet memories.

The huge and scenic Chilika Lake,
The dolphins showing up now and then,
The sand blowing at me on the Seamouth,
The serene and superb (wallpaper) beach,
How short-lived were all of these,
They live only in my memories.

The reticent kids at the tribal school,
And the smart ones at the SOS village,
The white marble of Kalinga's Dhauli stupa,
And the numerous temples at Lingaraj,
Will I again get to see all of these?
Besides in my sweet memories.

The B9!,B9! shouts and the antaksharis,
The 1 Lakh plans seen everywhere,
The all-new (!!) experience at the dance party,
And the esteemed (& steamed) Aaltu Faltu Group-AFG,
I cant forget any of these,
I preserve these sweet memories.

Life moves on, as they say,
Not such a great loss this may be,
But then one phase of life, it surely was,
And forever with me are my sweet memories...

The Rose Garden (II)...

Please read the first part of the poem in the earlier post. I actually thought the poem ended with the earlier part. But then on another significant day in Bhubaneswar, I continued it with these lines...It may seem boring because of the redundancy, but then it was still important for me to write this..

I couldn't forget that beauty; that sight,
I planted a rose at my place,
Hoping I would have that experience,
That joy, in a few days.

I waited there each day,
With hopes running through my mind.
But later,I forgot to water that seed,
And even nature was not so kind.

There it lay unseen,unknown,
For days, yearning for me.
But I couldn't care even a bit,
Oh! How stupid I could be!

TOday, I went to see it bloom,
Hoping a beautiful welcome.
But then, the rose wasnt there
Only thorns I found some.

The same pain,the same gloom,
Dark clouds over me.
Tears flowed down my eyes again,
Life is still a failure for me.

I don't know what the future holds,
I may still win some day.
But now, the wait is not yet over,
The real garden is still far away...

The Rose Garden ...

I wrote the following lines in Bhubaneswar after a significant day.

Walking on this long road
Here is where I finally arrive.
The 'rose garden' is what they say,
Not just flowers, but fully alive.

I saw lilies on the way,
On the golden daffodils I did stare.
They called out to me all along,
But for those voices I didnt care.

This is the time I waited for
Roses all around,pink yellow and red.
The sight I could have never dreamt of,
Words i could have never said.

I picked one of them, so lovely it was,
For a moment my heart brimmed with joy.
But then, the nasty thorn pricked me hard,
I cried with pain; it hurt me,O boy!

I held that precious beauty still in my hand,
As blood oozed out of me.
My fingers felt those gentle petals,
But only the hurt thumb I did see.

A smile on my face, no longer than a blink,
Tears filled my eyes as I felt pain terribly.
Not at all what I wished!
The garden seemed so gloomy.

I walked away from the place,
Looking back at the fallen rose on the way.
Perhaps the wait is not yet over,
The real garden is still far away...

I'm still here !!

Reporting from Bhubaneswar,Orissa: Welcome back after a loong time..(if you are still following my blog). Me got an internet access after a long time, and a good speed that is. There are so many things to write about, but the headlines - Me joining Mumbai on 28 August. Waiting to see the Mumbai crowd, the local trains, the vada pav, and my Home sweet Home.. Not that I'm not enjoying the ILP here- the time pass sessions, the superb labs, the duplex villas, the not-so-good food, the live-with-nature feeling with insects and cows all around you...(i know, its neither a climax nor an anti climax..). But the thing that I enjoyed the most are the trips to the Sun temple, Konark, the Puri temple, the Puri beach and the enchanting Chilka lake and the beach nearby. I never imagined there could have been such a lovely place in India. I will probably describe all these later, when I get a longer internet slot. By the way, I have to start my project work today, which is the most tedious part of the training. So the post ends here...

The clock is ticking

Firstly..it's too long since my last post..all those (yes..all of you two :)) who have been waiting for a post, here I present it. There are reasons though, for being away for such a long time.(5 days after the exams!). This is a period where I am still to figure out how to continue with my life. Last few months have not been those happy moments of the end of college life that I expected.(from which I learnt:Do NOT 'expect' anything!). And even in the last few days, I couldn't think of anything I would like to share with you. My brain has just gone blank. I sit down with a pen, and the poems which were overflowing once have disappeared into the air. Don't know why...

Of course, one of the reasons may be the vcn (yes my vacation is now compressed-bad joke no!!). Just 20 days and so much to do - sleep,sleep,sleep,stare,think on a non-topic,watch TV, watch the world cup from all camera angles,etc,etcetera,et al,and so on. Besides all this, I also thought of utilizing this vacation for some 'contructive' work, put my technical skills to use (as I mentioned in my earlier post, my project is still 'incomplete'), bring out some thought provoking ideas into my blog, some good verses, and spare some time for a self-appraisal exercise. Oh! Forgot to mention hanging out with friends(though I do that very rarely!!) and chit-chatting at relatives' place. I wanted to devote some time for my new-found interest in books(and surprisingly I have succeeded in starting one) and continue with my pursuit of following the happenings in the IT industry (specifically, the internet). To add to all this, my employer wants me to 'be acquainted with UNIX'(which I have worked with for only 2 months or so) before I join the training. Having realised earlier that I would 'fit in' well in the management environment (and also being disappointed with no calls for M.Tech!) and pledging to work full-fledged in the vacation towards that target, now I find even that option shoved for the next year.

With the result, I still am not able to sort the above list and am working on whichever I think of, at that instant.(And 'the instant' for this post came only today!)...Hope I complete atleast 75% of the above list in the coming days, so that I am more relaxed and satisfied (with myself) in Bhubaneswar(btw, I am off to Bhub on 22nd for my training)...The clock is ticking. . . . .

Coming Soooon

Now that my prep leave has started, and I am (supposedly) engrossed in preparing for one last semester, this blog cannot be updated every now and then. More thoughts (and hopefully poems) will return in June..(I should not even have got time to post this..I have so much to do; but you know how I am, the laziest guy in the PL). All those who wanted to read some more stuff (hello..anybody listening..), why don't you do some studying now? Atleast you'll score a li'l better...:)..Btw, thank you for being so kind..my hit counter has crossed 200 within 20 days..

Sweet nothings

NO..I am not talking about those sweet nothings that take place between..ahem..a couple [i am the least experienced in that domain :( ], but those which should not be treated as nothings. I am speaking about those words which are left unspoken, under the notion that they should be conveyed without saying -'Thank you', 'Please' and 'Sorry'. One of my friends sent me an article where a management thinker says, "A good leader should not be hesitant in using these three words". I believe, for that matter, no team member should be.

There are very few people, I have found, who 'say' these words when needed. We are generally under the belief that, if you thank a person, you are demeaning his help or distancing himself from you.(The Friends-do-not-thank attitude..). Similarly, we feel that the other person is bound to perform the task given to him and you don't need to 'request' him for that. Or they think, "I will be embarassed if I apologise". Worse still, there are people who can never think of using these words with their juniors (in whatever sense). But we forget one basic point. We ourselves will like to be thanked for our good work. Then why wont others? Yes, these words are motivational, but they shouldn't be used for that purpose. That's just a by-product. The crux is, when in doubt, say it. We should not assume that the other person will 'understand' our feelings.

When I learnt about the importance of the need to express, I tried to cultivate this habit myself. Once, when I was part of the society in my college, we needed some documents to be xeroxed. But then, all of us were busy and I had to ask a (non-organizer) junior to get it done. It was during our break, and I myself knew how boring the task was (given that we were on the 4th floor!!). But then he did the job within 10 mins. When he returned, I said "Thank you for getting it done." He smiled and that expressed everything he felt. It actually worked.

There are also people who take it to the other extreme. They thank people for EVERYTHING, whether appropriate or not. We need not be so generous with our words. Then, the real feelings will get subdued and its importance suppressed. People may not realise, when you mean it and when you do not. It would be the case of the boy who yelled 'Wolf! Wolf!' all the time. When you actually mean it, people will ignore it.

When you feel grateful, Thank. When you are at fault, Apologise. When you want some one to help, request. And by the way, Thank you for reading this post. Sorry, if you felt this was a waste of time. And please, do post your comments.

Where there is a will ..

I know the title sounds cliche, but..it's true! Now that I am done with my vivas, I wanted to tell you stories about how I trembled during all of them, but, then that would have been the same old story. But, one important incident during these was when, during my project demo, the external examiner remarked "You have done only this much of implementation? You could have done more...".And then, I was immersed into thoughts the whole evening. Could I have actually done more? If yes, why didn't I do it in the first place...

We always talk about capability and willingness, going hand-in-hand to achieve any result. And, if we are not able to succeed, we simply say-"I was not capable..". Worse still, I have seen people, who doubt their capability even before they start.(I myself do it sometimes! :) )..So how far does 'will' let us push our capabilities to the limits? Atleast in my life, I have found many experiences where I could have done much better had I pushed myself hard..(I seem to be a loser, don't I?). But the realisation after some very crucial incidents of my life (the IIT-JEE, the GATE, my extra-curriculars..) actually point to the same.

The difference between the winners and the 'others' (yes,I do hate to call myself a loser!!), is that drive to win. That lack of motivation, that absence of focus-on-the-goal attitude, is what we suffer from. There have been tens of instances where, I know, only because of a person's never-say-die spirit, has he been able to complete his task. Even a highly capable man easily gives up, if he does not set his eyes at the target. And there are always lots of excuses, in terms of short-term objectives, to account for the failure. But then, one who desperately wants to achieve can even learn the most difficult skills in order to win. The only capability then, is the 'desire'. That's why, I feel, companies sometimes openly reject the distinction-holders for the willing first-class-ers when they look out for employees.(the academic %age in no ways determines the skills, but then, it's just an example).

So, does it mean that, even if you are the least skilled but highly 'willed', you can win? Probably not. Because, everything is bound by time. You can, of course, learn the skills, but it will surely take you time, which may prove costlier than the other person's lack of will. Which means, you need 'some' capability, but that's not the only thing. If you are not interested in the task itself, it's obvious that even the best of your capabilities are not useful. I know, there are some who believe, it is easier to instill that willingness in skilled people, than to wait for others to learn. But, I feel the inverse of it to be true. Atleast in my case :). So the next time onwards, I hope my projects be 'completely' completed on time...