Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Dissecting the reader (base)

Don't run away! I am not going to try a guinea-pig wala experiment on you, my dear reader (Kya mauka hain, apni female readers ko 'dear' bulane ka, What an idea sir-jee. [Slap]. Ok 4.75 readers have closed this window after this sentence. (Yes, you are the aakhri 0.75-wale reader ! Jao, maze se band kar lo window ko). Coming to the point, the author as usual, played around with a Google tool, to find out who were those merciful souls who visited this very blog, even when it was not being updated for so long (1 year+, to be precise. Vishy called this page, as a Moto Ad for 1 year! Hello Moto, you haven't paid me even then!! )

Surprised! Haan, tumhare is nacheez-nakameez-battameez ke blog ko tumhare siva bhi koi padhta hain. Firstly, these are those curious readers, who visit many of my friends popular blogs, and because of lack of work (typical high-paying indian IT labourer) clicks on the right pane, which has a chottu-sa link and then, voila ! They land up here. Of course, they leave the page within 47 seconds, par aaye toh sahi. In the same group lie, all those bechare readers, who see the link on my mails, orkut profile or pagalguy posts, and galti-se commit the crime of clicking it, thinking that link daala hain toh kuch achha likha hoga. Of course, they would have been as disappointed as those bookies who put their money on Bangalore Royal Challengers before IPL started. (dikhaawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao).

But the most surprising part is the second lot. (Ok, if you consider the faithful direct visitors as the second lot, let's talk about the third lot). The search engines have been sending visitors to the blog, when some of these innocently punch in the keywords of their needs. Try digesting this - The keyword great thoughts in hindi has sent in a total of around 25 visitors onto this blog. And the reason is simple - A relevant (??) post is the FIRST result on google for this keyword.[reader's reaction : What? @%#&# Ye sunne se pehle mere kaan fat kyun nahi gaye ] [author's dedication speech :- I would like to thank Google, my family, my laptop, paperwala, doodhwala, the 'imaginary' girl, train's motormen, chunnu, munnu, pappu....]. There are many such keywords which have featured on Google's page 1 results and helped the cause. (To be featured soon on 'World's worst shocking moments - not captured on camera'). Not just that, even the visitors are spending a good amount of time on the blog (which, I hope is spent reading) [actual reader experience on that day : Opens the blog. Goes away talking to his GF/BF/both/none/can't say on the phone for a looong time. Comes back to the desk. Utters "Ohho, ye @&#%^ site kisne khol diya" and closes the window]. Some of the keywords puzzle me too, and would have puzzled even the visitors (chalo, kahin toh hum dono ke vichaar mile) like 'unfair means vesit' [my college] (does it really mean?), 'my thoughts and beliefs' and 'my thoughts about me in hindi' (how the user would have thought I could help him with HIS thoughts. They spent an average of 13 minutes wondering how the post related to their search), 'hindi twisted shayaries' (hindi translation - shayari ka gala marodna), 'why blog poem' (indirect way of asking me "Why do you blog your poems?" - he knows I will check the keywords sometime), 'some hindi shars' [sic] (second result here too, below a site on Indian share market), 'anandh seshadri microsoft' (thank you anand, whoever you are, I am stealing your friends! ), 'belief, noun' (Am I so reliable? OED would hire me soon !!), 'banaya wall tiles' (!?!), 'the disappearance +seshadri' (so anxious, after a post-less year?) and many more.

Of course, there were some really cool keywords, that reinforced my motivation to continue blogging, which include - 'abdul kalam inspirational stories', 'superb shayaries' (sorry reader, for letting you down), 'motorola sharper than ever', 'are beliefs facts?', 'narayana murthy's speech at nyu', and similar 421 more keywords. Of course, if you search many of these now, you may not even see this blog on the first 2 pages, but, they would have been higher at SOME point of time, and that's why the visits (Disclaimer to clarify that I'm not lying :P). Anyways, bahut analysis done (I feel like the Aaj Tak vishesh reporter analysing why mantri-ji ka kutta is scratching his back at a 16 degree angle), let me catch some fifty winks now (25% extra sone wala hoon na, isliye the extra 10 winks). Hope to come up with some good posts (added as my new year resolution #21597), now that some people are actually wanting to read these posts. Till then, Happy reading, dear! [Slap-kick-Slap]


Deepan said...

Maybe you should refer this post to Google. It would help improve their system, and reduce the trauma for the type 3 visitors.

Aparna said...

Good to see you back!
For the record .. you DO torture your readers. I wonder why I still go through your post to the last word every time!!!

Seshadri said...

@God & Aparna
2 more comments.. I was hoping my loyal readers would have written something good. Both of you, have shattered the hopes ;) ...I still hope you were trying to pull out a joke, and you would be coming back to increase the visit count. Thank you anyways, as always

Aparna said...

No, I was not joking ...!!

Just checking if there was anything left to shatter :)

BOL for those exam results. I hope you come out with flying colours.

Vishy said...

A diplomatic response: MBA seems to have gotten into your blood.

A less diplomatic response: AARGHH!

Thanks for linking my blog, by the way. As and when my readership increases to a million (HA!) Ill give you a treat. Yenna Venum?
(My first attempt to prove that behind the wheatish, Anglo-looking skin and the verbiage, I am a Tamil... :P )